Photo by Jason Trommetter via Picasa

Let’s face it. Sometimes, there’s just not time for all the preparation, the toys, the sensual build-up, the foreplay, the main event, the follow-up, the afterglow, the cleanup, and the nap.  Sometimes, it’s gotta be now.

For those moments, I like to have a few tried-and-true recipes in my back pocket that I can throw in a pan to feed myself and my hungry partner.

After all, we must keep up our energy.

So.  What to do?

This isn’t a recipe, in the strict sense of the word.  More, it’s a trip into the kitchen with Noony, which may or may not be a good thing. Come along with me and find out.  You’ll be glad you did – and we’ll be done in a jiffy!

Collect chicken parts (doesn’t really matter which, but I like chicken breasts), enough for you and a partner.  (It goes without saying that these are things you should buy and keep in your freezer as a staple item.)  If you need to thaw your chicken, do so in the microwave.

Now hold it.  Do not use the fancy “defrost chicken” setting on the stupid thing.  You’re a chef, not an automaton.  Put the chicken on a plate, put the plate in the microwave, and then put it on 3 minutes at 50 per cent power.  Period.

No, don’t argue with me.  TRUST the Noony.

If the chicken is thawed enough to cut, you’re done.  If not, hit it for another 2 minutes on 50% power.  Then put it on a cutting board and use your best, sharp chef’s knife.

Wait.  You don’t have a chef’s knife?

Go buy one.  Right now.  You need a good, sharp knife in your kitchen.  Come back and finish the recipe when you’ve got your knife.

Wait!  Put the chicken in the fridge first.  What, you want your cats to eat it?

Okay.  Take your knife, and if it’s brand new, WASH IT IN HOT SOAPY WATER.  You don’t want the gathering of whatzits in your food, do you?  Didn’t think so.  Sheesh!  We’ll be at this all night if you keep interrupting me.

Cut the chicken into one-inch strips, about two inches long.  An inch is 2.54 centimeters, you can do the math.  It’s good for you.  Makes you hungry.

Where was I?  Oh, right.  Chicken.

Get out a skillet.  Put some oil in the skillet.  What kind of oil?  I don’t know, what’s your favorite?  I like olive or roasted sesame.  How much?  Enough, I say!  Enough oil to coat the bottom of the pan.  Coat it, silly, not fill it!  Pour a dollop about 2 inches in diameter and let it spread around the pan.

Cut up some onions, or scallions, or leeks.  Something oniony.  Put that in the oil and saute them.  Then plop the chicken into the pan.  Take some fresh broccoli flowers, or snap peas, or something yummy and green, and put that in too.  If you don’t have fresh, then put some frozen vegies in there.  Trader Joe’s carries frozen artichokes – OMG!  LOFF!  If you use frozen, put the veggies in first, let them thaw and steam and stuff, then put the chicken in.

While the chicken is busy sizzling, splash some wine on it.  White wine is good.  If you bought cooking wine, throw it out.  It’s garbage.  What makes it cooking wine is they add salt to it.  Blarg!  Gross.  Use a wine you’d like to drink.  If you don’t know what to buy, get a Chardonnay.

To this, add a splash of cranberry juice, some Worcester sauce, and a dab of hot mustard – Grey Poupon is good, or some seedy German kind that’s hard to pronounce.  Grab some nuts – any will do, peanuts or cashews are my favorite but mixed nuts work too.  Don’t forget your spices.  Wander your spice shelf and sprinkle some garlic powder, oregano, or Italian herb blend.  Sprinkle lots; don’t do this “one quarter teaspoon” nonsense.  That’s for the lowest common denominator of palate – i.e. people who can’t taste food.  Use some gumption!

Let all this simmer and shake and when the chicken is done (cut a piece and no more pink in the middle means done), serve with something ice-cold to drink.  Voila.

Then use your imagination for desert.  YUM!

Visit my other Tasty Tuesday compatriots:

Recipes from my Erotic Garden by Selena Robins

The Automatic Reboot by PG Forte

References