Okay. So life is what happens when you’re making other plans. Or, as our friend Nicole says, “If you want to make the gods laugh, tell them your plans.”

I’ll catch up with our missing letters, but for today, I’m just going to keep going. It’s like when you’re losing weight. Yeah, you ate the piece of cake. Or you skipped the gym. Or you had the fettuccine alfredo. (I’m making myself hungry.)

So I’m going to do something completely different. We’re known for talking about food in our books. In Chicagoland Shifters, Neal Harrison and his former Marines run a restaurant in Chicago. In the Persis Chronicles, we have lots and lots of food and our main character Teeka talks about it a lot.

Safe to say, I love to talk about cooking and even took part in a cookbook, Cook Like a Writer. I also have anorexia. My relationship with food is intellectual, because my emotional connection is all wonky with it due to childhood trauma. Eating disorders are one of the basket of symptoms from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I like to read cookbooks and even watch cooking classes, because it’s a safe way to interact with it, but it’s like I’m waiting through glass as people enjoy food. I don’t have that experience.

Which brings me to comedian Matteo Lane. He has an enormously funny riff on fettucine alfredo which I learned, to my utter shock, is not, in fact, authentic Italian food. I even verified it with my somatic coach, who lives in Italy.

Say it ain’t so!

Apparently, Americans love the stuff so much that some restaurants in Italy put it on their menus just to shut us up.

Here, then, without further ado, is Matteo Lane: